A Seeking Heart

sort of like Polar Express

2010-02-28T22:14:00.001-05:00

There was an earth tremor this morning, it was slight but it’s amazing how much smaller your room or house becomes when it shakes, and nothing visible has caused the shaking of it. What amazed me even more is, with in the space of 15 minutes I wasn’t concerned at all about the tremor and went on with my schoolwork.

We’ve had several days of snow the last two weeks and I’m ready for it to melt. I love the snow but after having to shovel your way out of two feet of it, it get’s very old. I live in an area where there are mostly row homes and there is no place to put it.

Piles and piles of snow everywhere! I couldn’t stack it up next to the sidewalk any more so I started throwing it onto the street. My friend’s father died the other day, he was 94, he once told me “never get old there’s no future in it”. I laughed, now he’s dead and the world moves on, it always does, it did when my father died, and now my mother... I miss her already. I'll see her again, however between now and then the world will spin madly on.

When you’re in a situation like that your life seems to get very small; sort of like the way I felt after the earth tremor and when there’s no place to put the snow. BIG CIRCUMSTANCES, small life. When I feel like that I think a lot about God. Not religion, just God, I think he’s better than religion. I think God is bigger than my tiny life, and because of that he’s bigger than the things I’m afraid of; earth quakes, death, and what ever else I can dream up.

I remember how I felt when I returned to school to study film making, and how much bigger than me the journey looked. but I’d finely lived long enough to understand that the time was going to pass by and the world was going to move on weather I stood still, or went on the journey, so I got my ticket punched and here I am. I’m glad I got on the train, sort of like Polar Express.

I was given enough faith to hear the bell in the beginning and I still hear it now, so I guess I’m in pretty good shape. There ‘s always risk in doing something that takes you out of your comfort zone, there’s always a chance that you’ll fail or thing’s won’t go quite right. But I’d rather know I gave something my best effort and fail than wonder what would have happened. I know my mom didn't have many questions at the end, she heard the bell and got on board... sort of like Polar Express.

my responsibility as an artist

2009-10-29T16:38:00.001-04:00

To understand my responsibility as an artist, I need to look no further than my own conscience. I believe the artist should first ask the question, who am I responsible for? The answer to that question, should then guide he or she in what they create. In my travels around the world, I have met skilled artist’s who’s only means to feed their family, is to paint or be creative in some other form. The question of what they should create is answered in their need, not the extension of a political agenda, or the whimsical pursuit of an ideal from a position of relative abundance. By asking, who am I responsible for? The artist can make a choice grounded in something more meaningful than a contemporary trend.

Your own "personal" truth?

2009-08-03T23:50:00.001-04:00

Self determined moral relativism is not truth, it's an aggressively projected opinion about what makes one feel good at particular time. A feeling changes from one day to the next, a truth will not change. I have heard the argument that each person has his or her own truth. Because you want a particular viewpoint to be true, does not make it fact or reality. To create your own reality, (truth) would mean your ideals would have to be a conscious / unconscious process that is inherent in the thinking of others on a daily basis through our their lives.

Assumptions about what God won't do

2009-04-19T19:38:00.005-04:00

This is a prime example of how God surprises us and how He breaks down our assumptions. Drawn in by a mob mentality, I too was skeptical before this living parable unfolded before my ears and heart. This moved me, it was God surprising us all!

Forgiveness 70 X 7

2009-03-24T11:23:00.008-04:00

We make forgiveness complicated. I am, and have been guilty of this and when I embrace the simplicity of what it means to be forgiven I am always amazed by the reality of how far reaching it is in my life.

"God forgive me a sinner"

This simple statement, when spoken from the heart, rings so loud in eternity that if it were audible, the sound would deafen the world.

Forgiveness can be a process, it can take time to completely forgive someone for an offence. The key to getting free from carrying a grudge and reliving the events that have caused bitterness and stagnation in your faith walk is to continually allow God to work in this area of your life. It sounds simple because it is. Some people don't want to forgive. I have experienced this issue in my own life and in the middle of it God showed me that some times forgiveness happens in steps.

When issues like this come up in my daily thought life I give it to God (it doesn't have to feel all warm and fuzzy). And I keep doing so until that issue doesn't surface any more. When you do this your giving God access to your heart and the freedom to change your mind and free you up from oppressive garbage that may be dogging you in your waking hours. Un-forgiveness steals sleep and causes stress. It's distracting and destructive.

A pastor friend of mine counseled a woman who had been in and out of mental institutions for quite some time. She would shake uncontrollably and display emotional anguish that required heavy doses of medication to calm her down or enable her to sleep. They were about to commit this pour woman to a mental facility for permanent mental care. As my friend counseled her he realized she had been traumatized as a little girl. The long and short of it is she began forgiving the adults that had abused her. All the symptoms I mentioned above ceased. She was released a month later and never returned to the hospital.

See Mathew 18:22

What do you look like?

2009-02-23T18:27:00.007-05:00

Are you unkempt, so depressed that when you get dressed in the morning it’s all you can do to “put on your cleanest dirty shirt”?(that’s a Johnny Cash) line. I like Johnny Cash because he didn’t hide his struggles and God loved him that way. Something I have been thinking about lately is the bride of Christ. I realized that when I think about the Bride of Christ I used to think only about the “church”. But I think God gave me some insight about what His bride looks like.

It’s not just the pretty people that go to church and smile and say the right things. I tried to be a good looking Christian, it worked for a while but I couldn't’t keep from being who I really am. Who am I? Consider your own failings ALL OF THEM, in some ways I’m probably a lot like you. Some one else I think most of us resemble. That guy on the cross next to Jesus. About to die, guilty and with no way out. I hardly ever hear about this guy.

Lets call him Bill. Bill probably spent most of his life hearing the Jewish law feeling guilty because he couldn’t live up to all six hundred of them. I’m guessing Bill’s up bringing wasn’t very religious. Or lets say that Bill came from a good home but fell in love with a Samaritan girl, they got married by a soothe seer because non of the Rabbis would do the ceremony, be-cause, it was against Jewish law to mix with Samaritans. Sooo Bill and his Samaritan bride were shunt from Jewish society. Where do they go now?

They can’t go to Samaria; the Samaritans hate the Jews as much as the Jews hated the Samaritans! Bill and his Samaritan bride fell on hard times. So in order to get food to eat or something to sell to get money for food, Bill started stealing. This worked for a while but then Bill’s wife got pregnant. Now they needed extra care and money! So Bill became desperate and took bigger risk’s and became careless in his thievery and got caught. He tried to steal a horse, a capital crime punishable by death. As Bill’s helpless pregnant wife looked on he was tried and found guilty. Whipped and nailed to a cross. There were two other guys next to him. One who just kept running his mouth about his innocence. Bill knew him, they “worked” together a couple of times. The other guy didn’t say much. Bill’s head throbbed, his body was racked with pain, he was thirsty.

He thought of his guilt, the position he placed his innocent wife and their unborn child in. He thought about the guy next to him, he’d seen this guy around. Heard him teaching, saw him feed people. He knew his name, Jesus, he’d been tried and beaten Just before his own case came up. I can’t believe he’s still alive he thought to himself. How could anyone survive what this Jesus had just been through? As this thought meandered through Bill’s guilt ridden conscience the silence was broken.

Bill’s “friend” started insulting him (Jesus), "You are the Messiah, aren't you? Save yourself and us!" Bill had enough, gripped with the terror of facing his own death and remembering how his wife had begged him “to listen to the prophet” he spoke up.

Luke 23:40 NIV
“We have been condemned justly, because we are getting what we deserve for what we have done, but this man has done nothing wrong”. Bill’s heart began to pound in his chest”. Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom!". Jesus raised his head and turned in Bill’s direction. Bill began sobbing uncontrollably. He realized who was about to speak to him. "I promise you, today you will be with me in Paradise."

How many “loser” druggies, pimps whores, God haters, murderers, just go down the list! Have in their dying moments through the mercy and grace of God realized what there destiny was and cried out in a desperate attempt for rescue “JESUS SAVE ME!”.

This is what His Bride looks like; those that never served Him a day in their life but were rescued moments before they left this life forever. They never got baptized, they never professed their faith publicly. They looked nothing like the Pharisaical (legalistic Christian) mindset or modern day Pharisee says they should look like. It also includes all the John and Jane Does that know Jesus but decided to impress men with “all they could do” for God. It includes those that were called and waited for God to reveal His direction. His Bride includes those that don't look like us, those we disagree with. Those that come from situations you and I wouldn't live in for any amount of money and probably wouldn't visit if we were asked to!

The LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:17

self righteousness

2009-02-21T00:55:00.001-05:00

We all have a mask. Some of us pretend to be transparent only to grow bitter in the secret frustration of our self righteousness. What object or person will we clothe in scorn to justify our un-forgiveness.

When miracles happen

2009-01-23T12:08:00.002-05:00

When miracles happen God does them in the most humble spirit. Displaying His power is not an exercise of ego or pride; it is not to muse over the wonder or terror that results from Him displaying his sovereignty. God does not cherish His power, He does not regard it as a possession; as a politician or world leader would. Instead He glories in His greatest expression of power which was His greatest expression of love. Jesus became subordinate to God.

Hebrews 1:5b: "You are my Son; today I have become your Father"

Jesus followed;
John 10:18
No one takes my life from me. I give my life of my own free will. I have the authority to give my life, and I have the authority to take my life back again. This is what my Father ordered me to do."

John 12:49
"For I did not speak on My own initiative, but the Father Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment as to what to say and what to speak”

Jesus begged to be spared the brutality He knew He would have to endure. How many times have we asked God to do something a different way to make it easier or less terrifying?

Matthew 26:39
After walking a little farther, he quickly bowed with his face to the ground and prayed, "Father, if it's possible, let this cup [of suffering] be taken away from me. But let your will be done rather than mine."
GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)

These examples found in scripture do not reflect a God who savors power like a dictator would. Those that love power and position do not lay it aside so easily and they only sacrifice those suspected of trying to take it from them.

Death Brings Us Together

2008-09-06T13:52:00.003-04:00

Death brings us together. It brings us together because a barrier is broken down.

And either love or respect or both are required to honor the person who has meant so much to us.

Death brings reconciliation only for some. This is true, only for those who's selfish pride has perished with the reminder of their own mortality.

Reconciliation with others because of a loved ones death, is the shadow of a higher mystery, a glimpse into a greater romance.

Back On Your feet

2008-05-30T21:02:00.009-04:00

Yeah you screwed up! So what’s new, your in good company.
So has everybody else that’s ever walked by faith. Some just hide it better than others and the ones pointing the fingers usually have more to hide than you do. Allow me to name drop. Does the name David ring any bells? I love David because he is the quintessential example of how God’s grace operates so that we can keep on getting up after we have blown it. David murdered a guy and took his wife!

Then God sent a prophet to confront David’s sin ;

2 Samuel 12:1
1 The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

4 "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."

5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."

7 Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man!

So you blew it, big time, little time , all the time, any time!
You keep hearing that phrase over and over in your head “You are the man!”
You listen to it so much you begin to believe that your sin is bigger than God. That’s exactly what the enemy wants you to think. The objective is to get you and I discouraged by keeping us focused on our sin. We begin to forget that sin, for the believer, was destroyed on the cross.

Romans 8:1
So those who are believers in Christ Jesus can no longer be condemned.

No I’m not saying that we have permission to run out there and follow through on what ever thought the wind blows our way. What Jesus did on the cross for anybody who will believe it, yeah I mean anybody. Use your imagination you’ll be surprised who God would call his own, that includes you and I. What Jesus did on the cross provided for us the grace (undeserved favor) to get up from our mistakes BIG or small, say I’m sorry (please forgive me Lord I blew it) and move on.

I’m not saying all mistakes are reconcilable with the people that are adversely effected by bad decisions. What I am saying is that Jesus stands ready with a hand extended to pick us up and start with us right where we're at. Getting back on our feet. That’s always the goal when we fail. Jesus is not waiting with a God sized stick to beat you into submission.

It is God's kindness that is trying to lead you to him and change the way you think and act? Romans 2:4b

God’s Kindness over ruled in David’s situation. God over ruled in our situations when Jesus paid the price for us on the cross.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
2 Samuel 12:1 reference © NIV 2002

Fear

2008-04-12T13:26:00.002-04:00

I'm never afraid to trust God until I have too!

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?

2008-03-21T20:59:00.007-04:00

MY GOD, MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?

How many times have you felt like this? How many times have you screamed this in the privacy of your spirit, beneath your public façade? When the chaos in your soul feels more like madness than just the symptoms of a bad day. Then you scream, GOD I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU RIGHT NOW!...

Nothing, you hear nothing. If you love me why aren’t you talking to me? Maybe you’re in a place where you can scream out loud, so… you do!
IF YOU LOVE ME WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME!!!!!!

I have learned that it is in these moments that I rarely hear anything from God. Instead He offers me His peace. I can choose to keep bouncing off the walls and sometimes that’s what I do because I’m not getting what I want. But Jesus is teaching me that if I go for the peace, if I choose to allow Him to calm me down, I get the answer. Its usually not the answer I thought I wanted or the thing I wanted etc. But what I hear more times than not is;

“This is not worth getting all worked up about” i.e. “peace be still and know that I am God.”

Peace be still and know that I am God?

How many times have you and I heard this? Enough to make us want to throw up, right? You can be honest, admit it! Your sick and tired of hearing all the clichés and platitudes about how we should feel and what we should say, how we should be afraid of God and grovel in our misery because that’s what Jesus would do and BLA, BLA, BLA!

WRONG ANSWER!!

The bible says:

16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

Do you know what confidence means in this context?

Confidence
noun
1 Trust, belief, faith, conviction.
2 Courage, boldness, mettle, nerve.
3 Intimacy.

In other words go ahead and let’er rip! Make your feelings known to God. He can take it! The Psalms are full of David’s ranting and self pity, his never ending why me prayers. But the interesting thing about the Psalms, they always end in peace. Why is that? From my own experience, its because I have opened a dialog or conversation with God. And that gives Him the opportunity to intervene in my emotional chaos. I may not get what I thought I wanted but I do have peace. And I’m thinking more clearly than I was when I started yelling at God.

Steven Adams © 2008

Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
[NIV at IBS] [International Bible Society] [NIV at Zondervan] [Zondervan]

Time Travel

2008-03-07T19:07:00.007-05:00

I used to work for a company called Ensoniq. We made synthesizers, audio samplers, electric pianos and computer sound cards (Sound-Scape). I worked for them for six years, at the end of which I found myself out of a job. The company was “reorganizing”. During my time there I worked mainly in customer service but did some beta testing on the side for extra money. Beta testing is making sure the prototype of a product does what it’s designed to do.

So after finding out I was no longer gainfully employed I went to the head of the beta testing team and asked if I could test the new product they were working on as a freelancer. When he said yes I was overjoyed and it was understood I would start the following day. Morning came and as I had done for the last six years I got in my car and went to “work”. Nothing seemed out of place until I entered the building.

I went to the area where I was to begin testing and started the routine. I thought that once I started the job, I would settle in and feel right at home. But this was different, it wasn’t the same. People that were still there, people I had worked with for the last six years treated me differently. It’s like I was a stranger!

It seemed as though the relationships I enjoyed for almost a decade, no longer existed! One of the guys I had worked with for most of my time there casually greeted me as he walked through the room, “Hey Steve, what are you doing here?” His question startled me. It reminded me of this movie I saw where this guy went back in time, I don’t remember the title of the movie or the characters name so I’ll call him Charlie.

All his friends were glad to see him, but one of them said “Charlie it’s really good to see you! But what are you doing here?” Charlie was confused by the question. “I’m hang-en out with you guys!, You know, hang-en out together, like we’ve always done! Was Charlie’s reply. “No Charlie”, said his friend, “you don’t belong here any more. Your time here is over, you have to move on”.

As the movie scene in my head faded, I sat there alone in the test room, and realized that Charlie and I had a lot in common. I got the feeling that if you could really travel back in time, this is how it would be. Everything would have a familiarity about it, but it would be empty because that situation or time had fulfilled it’s purpose in your life.

God really spoke to me through this “science fiction” encounter. I wasn’t supposed to be there any more! And my efforts to stay in a situation where God’s provision had dried up would only cause me confusion, financial agony and delay what God wanted to do next in my life.

What happened next?

My unemployment check was very sufficient to live on, I started a band (Mercy Street) and recorded an album, made CD’s and sold most of them.
A local chain of bookstores stocked them and several local radio stations played our music. And the icing on the cake, I met my wife at one of the concerts we did! Mercy Street played together for three years and was a blessing to the members as well as those who bought our CDs and came to our concerts.

When I lost my job God was blessing me! It just didn’t look like it at first.
Let God move your life on. When He shows you that He is closing a door don’t try to keep it open.

Behold, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 (Niv)

© 2008 Steven Adams

Fred

2008-02-18T18:11:00.005-05:00

Fred’s greatest pleasure was spending time with me. Mine on the other hand was the fact that Fred wanted to be my friend. As He does with most things that are significant in my life, God used this to illustrate my relationship with Him. “Picture yourself as me”, He said. “Now picture Fred as someone who wants nothing more than to spend time with you”. “You take great pleasure in the fact that this animal (Fred was a cat) is never happier than when he is able to get close to you. When you lay down at night, he comes and lies at your side. When you come home he is there to meet you at the door. And when you call him he comes to you”. (Fred was more like a dog.) “Nothing gives me greater joy than when you want to spend time with me, or that you answer me and listen when I call your name.”

Fred was thankful; I can’t remember a time when he didn’t come over and rub on my calf and rap his tail around my leg (he had a long tail) before he would eat.

Fred waited on me; He would always sit and wait by the bathroom door while I brushed my teeth before going to bed.

Fred trusted me; When Fred became ill with kidney failure and we had to give him medication, he didn’t run away or scratch, he didn’t even bite! He didn’t take the medication either. But he never ran out of the room and after all his squirming around he would come back and sit by me.

Eventually we had to put Fred to sleep. A lot of people don’t understand the pain of going through something like this until they have had there own cat or dog. But it is especially painful when you have an animal with a unique personality that chose to be your friend.

In my relationship with God, in many ways, I want to be more like Fred.

What good can I say

2008-02-15T14:41:00.003-05:00

What good can I say about life that God hasn’t already told me?
What profound thought or truth could proceed from my mouth that was not already rehearsed in the mind of God? With every passing generation God has shown His goodness and mercy, His loving intervention in the affairs of people. And with every passing generation people have tried to take credit for it.

Looking for the keys

2008-02-07T14:06:00.001-05:00

4.8.05

I was getting ready to take the kids to gym (I used to work with challenged teens) and I could not find the keys to the van. I spent a minute or so rummaging through my pockets to locate them and became agitated at the fact that I could not find them. I finally looked up and noticed that my partner was standing there all the time with the keys in her hand trying to get my attention to give them to me. But I was so focused on finding them myself that I didn’t think to ask for help or even see if she had them.

A few hours later God impressed upon me the fact that I get so focused on myself for what I need, that I’m unaware that He is there with the answer or the means to teach me how to get farther down the road in allowing Him to live through me and express His love to others. So many times God allows us to get to the point where we tire of trying deal with a situation ourselves and finely look up to see that He has been there the whole time with His hand extended ready to give us the key to open the next door we are to walk through.

4b No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:4-6 (New International Version)

Surrender

2008-02-06T16:45:00.000-05:00

When you are rendered helpless, brought to a place physically and emotionally where you have no choice but to look into the face of love and surrender. You are then embraced by a love that is so gentle and so powerful, so complete that it penetrates and mingles with your spirit, and the very breath of life that is causing you to live and move.

I was in the emergency room at Chester County Hospital waiting to get the results of my cat scan. Long story short, I needed my appendix removed or it was curtains! My wife and two friends of ours were there (one being our Pastor). My Pastor was standing to my right, I was looking around my room and when I looked up at him his eyes appeared to have turned this luminous shade of green (his eyes are blue). Like the color you see when looking at an aerial photo of a tropical Island.

This love just came pouring through him. The Lord made it clear to me that it was He, Jesus, the High King over Heaven and Earth that had made His presence known. The next moment I realized that nothing mattered to me, there was nothing about my situation that bore the least bit of significance to me. There was no fear. It was the first time in my life when the absence of fear was complete.

Nothing can contain His love. It is complete; it needs no excuse or justification and is abundant beyond measure in every dimension imaginable. Jesus demanded no reaction from me. What I could or could not understand was not important. His presence said everything. I felt a deep and eternal reverence, adoration and worship toward Him that required no act of my will. My spirit just embraced Him and honored Him.

His total covering, His complete love, His absolute unfathomable power was in me, through me, over me and surrounding me. Jesus made sure that I understood that he was in control of all the events of my life. Nothing, not the smallest detail escaped His gaze.

For the first time since I received Jesus as savior (35 years ago) He made himself tangible to me in away I had never before experienced. I was helpless and in deep need and He came and ministered to me. Jesus revealed how completely dependant I am on Him, how nothing that could accomplish His will in my life could work together unless He caused it to.

His Love is enormous, it is all consuming. The struggles I face in my walk with Him, faith or the lack of it, the fears and anxieties that plague my spirit from time to time were all consumed in His love. They all just evaporated.

The greatest struggle we face everyday is surrendering to the love of Jesus and our greatest victories are won in the time of our deepest need. When the strength to carry the fight has dried up and blown away and the only words we have left in the arsenal of our will are the words “Jesus help me” and we surrender to His intervention, and let Him decide what the victory Looks like. This is where the battle is won!

Jesus wanted to do more than just a physical healing in me that day. He wanted to give me something deeper. Something above and beyond all I could ask or think. This was not “a taste of his presence”, it was Jesus He came and pulled back the Vail of my darkened understanding revealing what His righteousness is really like, how real His righteousness is in me and how much He loved me. Jesus showed me where my life is hidden.